You never let go

by Matt Redman
From the album Passion 06: Everything Glorious

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Chorus: (2x’s)

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*i’m blasting Matt Redman as i’m writing this. another song of his i really like is ‘breathing the breath’.

 

it’s uncanny how God speaks to us when we least expect it. well that’s God for you. and i adore Him and i am so thankful to be able to breathe the breath He gave me.

today’s meditation in Word Among Us spoke volumes to me especially because i know that i have kind of slowed down my pace in running His race. because of work, and of my busy-ness, i have had so little time to pursue Him as much as i would like to. the second half of the year felt like i was giving more to other aspects of my life and offering God the leftover time. i don’t want that to continue. i miss serving fiercely at amplify, i miss being involved in amplify. it was a pity i couldn’t serve at the december yiss.

so today’s reading is John 20:1-8 and it talks about St. John’s aggressive race for God. How he kept running after Jesus in prayer, seeking more and more revelation of God’s plan of salvation, even in his old age. the meditation ended with this:

 ”take John as your guide, and resolve to run after Jesus in the coming year. Everyone wants to know Jesus more. But not everyone translates that desire into action. You can! Don’t miss any opportunity to draw near to him! Don’t miss any opportunity to lean against him and receive the love and grace that are always flowing from his heart.”

all i want to do right now is to keep running, to keep going after Him. i will lean on Him and i gladly receive His love. Lord God, you’ve given me so much this past year, you’ve been with me through the happy, sad, angry, confused, frustrated times. i truly am grateful to You. You never let go. You will never let go. for that i am eternally grateful

Lord, I want to be near you. Lead me to your dwelling place, where i can hear you speak and be filled with your grace and mercy.

self discovery

i am a hoarder. i hoard things. i hoard old things, really really old things.

things that should have been thrown out years ago. things that my mum wishes i would trash. things that now smell stale, full of dust but also thick with memories.

blame it on my sentimental nature. i have a soft spot for my possessions. it’s not so much that they are my prized possessions (depends on how you define prized. my definition has nothing to do with monetary value) but rather the emotions that are branded with it. i am not sure how to explain it. but if you know me, you’d understand.

my cupboards and drawers and shelves and boxes and so on…. they are all filled with things i have kept to remember a certain event, occasion, celebration. yes i keep a lot of things. my mum calls it clutter but i just call it my environment. but clutter can get out of hand some times, especially when you have more stuff you want to keep. i had to make space for new stuff so yesterday i did some spring cleaning.

i emptied my cupboards, and threw out the stuff that i really have no use for – case in point: empty boxes (seriously. i don’t know why i keep boxes, and i’m talking about the packaging that comes with things i buy. like perfume, toiletries, chocolates etc). i showed no mercy and it was good.

then i came upon a cupboard stuffed with what looked like notebooks and journals. i took them out to read and i walked down memory lane.

i don’t really keep diaries but i do have notebooks that i carry around whereever i go. i carried notebooks when i was studying (duh. for notes in lectures) and when i travelled. i still carry one in my bag everywhere i go. you never know when inspiration will hit you. yes i am a huge believer of inspirational outbursts.  i have them all the time.

so the books i found, they were from way back. okay not waaaay back. but quite some time back. there were some dated 2003 all the way to 2006. i even found the notebook that i kept when i was in Brisbane for two months completing my print journ internship.

reading my past thoughts and going through what i was thinking back in the day – that was pretty nostalgic. it was as if i was reliving my past. there were scribbles about a really sweet and kind Taiwanese dude who fancied me and would do the sweetest things (like buy a huge bucket of chocolate popcorn because he knew i loved it). he had been living in Brisbane for about 8 years (again, it helps to have a notebook with facts ;p) and was living with some Singaporeans in a house they shared. that’s how we met. one of the girls on the internship with me knew the Taiwan dude’s housemates. anyway, it appears that i did not reciprocate the feelings but the entries that were closer to the day i was to come home showed that his efforts did get to me a little. it appears that i was moved, slightly. my present self finds it very amusing. it made me think how silly i was back then.

first of all, the dude and i hardly talked. i had to muster up whatever mandarin i could and he tried his best to speak the best english possible. it was quite comedic. we understood each other but other than the sweet things he’d do for me, there wasn’t much, although he was a great cook. haha.  to cut the story short, we both knew that i was going home and that nothing would probably come out of it. and indeed nothing did. i soon forgot him.

old things really make you remember stuff, stuff stuck in the recesses of your memory waiting to be taken out when the appropriate prompter culls it out. in this case, old stuff. old notebooks, old memories and old writings. that’s one of the reason why i love to read and write. words hold so much. words to me are precious and like poetry, when strung together artfully, can evoke emotions that stirs even the hardest of hearts.

words make concrete what some thoughts never can. thoughts are swift, thoughts are hard to catch and keep. fleeting thoughts become as momentary as a once a year birthday. words provide the stage for discovery. self discovery. discovery of  life and the great beyond.

we must discover ourselves,

before we can discover others

or the other.

cultivate an attitude of gratitude

i went for Amplify this friday. it was the last Amplify session of the year. i’m glad i went.

leo gave a talk and touched on a very simple yet very important message. he spoke about developing a heart of gratitude, appreciating what we have and positioning our hearts to receive the very best God wants to give to us.

he cited the story of the cleansing of the ten lepers in Luke 17:11. only one of them (the Samaritan) came back to thank Jesus, after which Jesus replied “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.”

i’ve read that passage many times but leo’s explanation gave me a new perspective. i’m going to summarise what he said:

there is a difference in being healed and in being whole. for the 9 lepers who got cleansed but didn’t recognise God’s intentions only got half of the deal. in order for our lives to be full, we should recognise that there is something bigger, and greater that we should give thanks, praise and worship to. God made us for great things and he wants to make us whole. we are not perfect that’s why its important for us to seek wholeness in God.

it is with gratitude that we pave the way for recognition. it is when we are thankful for both the good, bad and ugly that we are made whole at the feet of Jesus.

being whole is being able to give more than you take. when we are whole, we are able to invest in relationships. the opposite of wholeness is brokenness and if most broken people tend to be emotionally dependent on people who surround them, in the long run, it will drain both parties.

unless gratitude is part of our nature, we will never be whole people. if we are not grateful, we cannot recognise the good and if we cannot recognise the good, we become resistant to God’s love.

it is like hanging a teflon pan on your heart. it is hard to have anything stick if you have teflon because of the non-stick qualities it possesses. because of this, we find it harder to recognise God’s love for us.

grateful people have hearts that are covered with velcro. they cherish everything God has to give, and in turn recognising His love. that’s how they become whole, better people.

if a half cup of water was placed in front of you, would you say that it is half full or half empty? to this, leo gave a very refreshing answer. he said that to him, the answer you give is not indicative of how optimistic or pessimistic you are but about how much you cherish what you have. if you say it is half full, you are someone who cherishes life, and everything in it, even however little you have. if you say it is half empty, it is clear how ungrateful a person might be, for whatever little he/she has. so simple but so true.

at the end of the day, God just wants us to live whole and full lives. but by doing that, we need to be able to be conscious of how much we have and thank God for it. every little bit goes a long way. every failure, every set back, every bad day is there for a reason. it might be difficult but we should be grateful for it. at least we know that it makes us stronger, and that we are not facing it alone.

that said, i can also say that it is not easy to be grateful when the times are tough. it is not easy to praise and thank God when our own lives feel like they suck. but sometimes, it is not about basking in the sorrow or joining in the pity party, but rather, about turning towards the ray of light, however weak it might be, and to just recognise that God is here with us every step of the way. we just have to be grateful for whatever comes our way.

life it is not easy. but it isn’t so difficult either, when God is by our side.

i should know better.

Thank you God for everything that has happened this year, for the happy times, the sad times, the frustrating, the angry and hopeless times. i thank you for the difficult parts and for the good parts and please help me to always recognise the good in each situation and never to let despair take over me. Amen.

it’s harder

to breathe easy these days.

i dream of …

a patisserie on wheels.

a travelling baker i shall be –

in dreams, in reality finally.

thank you Lord…

for friends true and dear – those who care enough to call  at 2am just to see if i’m okay, and to offer good advice and a listening ear.

for my ability to communicate – through words, speech and action.

for seeing me through the bumps i face - and sending help when i need it most.

for my optimism - for it will see me through many hard times.

for allowing me to fail – because i know you have a reason.

for speaking to me through my dearest friend:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” – Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

when

the oxford dictionary defines ‘when’ as such:

1. at what time, on what occasion
2. at which time

this word is used ever so commonly. i know i must say it a thousand times a day. literally.

it is used when asking a question or when someone is depicting the time of which an event/occasion takes place.

which brings me to the matter of time. of the when, the what, the who, the where, and the how. journalists know these all important five words. it’s crucial when delivering a story. it’s also important when you are painting a scene, or constructing a map of your life.

this is how i see it:

the when
time is of the essence yes? timing is also everything. you miss an opportunity, and it’s gone. you screw up a date and there goes your ‘first impression’. or maybe you decide to get a new hair cut, or buy a new dress and it makes you feel good instantly. the when, is all about the constant chasing of time. the ever-knowing race to the finishline and all that’s in between. so when are you going to decide when? maybe today, tomorrow, or perhaps it was yesterday and you forgot. we have plenty of time, or so we think. every second, every nanosecond, every tick of the clock counts. so make it work.

the who
we are who we surround ourselves with. it is true. recently in the papers, there was an article about how people who hang out with happy people feel happy constantly even if they are not usually happy people. i hope that makes sense. okay let’s put it this way, our friends are our mirrors and i’m sure we see bits of them in ourselves and us in them. it works that way because birds of a feather flock together. but we do have a choice. we can decide who to include or remove from our lives. we cast our own actors, and as we direct the play of our lives, we determine a bit of what happens next, simply by process of elimination or inclusion. it’s a chain reaction really.

the where and the what
these two very similar. it’s about putting together a place and a situation. one without the other would just bring about a blank page. at any point in our lives, wherever we are, we are in situations. complex ones, angry ones, happy ones, sad ones, romantic ones, spiritual ones – you name it, you’ve been in it. then there’s situational awareness – being conscious of the place and space you’re in and working around it. we’re hardy mammals. like animals of the wild, it is in our blueprint to fend for ourselves, to fight for our happiness, to defend ourselves when wronged and to deal with difficult times.

the how
i believe this is the important bit. this element of knowledge changes everything, and sets us apart from apes, chickens, fishes, frogs, cows, chickens and so on. we have an innate ability of assessing situations and knowing how best to tackle them. okay granted that we know exactly what we want, anything is possible. just like how man created airplanes, invented telephones, and came up with vaccine for small pox. however, it’s always the ‘HOW’ that stumps people. it usually happens when emotions get in the way. the thing with us humans is that we are emotional creatures, we can feel 8 different feelings at a go, we can be thinking one thing and feeling another. we sometimes are so clueless that we dare not admit it. and when thrown into the deep end, sometimes, just sometimes, even those who can swim are at risk of drowning.

drowning. being sucked under an entire behemoth whirl of a situation.

that’s not a nice place to be in.

one week

has past.

one slightly uncomfortable set of seven days.

hopefully this week will be better.

with God’s grace it will.

if laughter is the best medicine,

then i could surely use a one tonne sack of it right now.

any one know where i can get some?