only 23

and so, with a cappucino by my side at the stroke of midnight, and with my super fantastic dearest lil sister, i drew up a list.

a list of things i dream of doing. like building a snowman, learning a new language and ….. so on. i will not list them here.

call it a dream list if you wish, it’s really just something i want to remind myself as the years go by. 

i don’t know what it is about this year’s birthday. i am not the big birthday celebration kind of person. i like spending mine quietly and meaningfully.

am glad to spend it with my beloved hospi team. i really love them to bits. we’ve journeyed quite a bit with each other and they all mean alot to me.

as years go by, it is really the people around me that i treasure more than dates like these. i don’t feel old actually. i feel the same. i feel normal. i feel refreshed, renewed and ready to conquer the world.

many things have happened. the good, bad and the ugly. but i know i have no regrets. i have a clean conscience and i know that things will just get better.

i really cannot think of anything intellectual to write right now so i guess i’ll just end here.

happy birthday to me, a small soul in a big big world.

transparency

would you rather buy an opaque bottle of something labelled ’such and such’ only to find out much later when it finally breaks/spills/opens, that it is in fact nothing close to what the label states?

what would you do? brush it aside and think nothing of it or would you actually do something about it?

scenarios like this present a variety of possibilities. it really depends how different the contents are from what the label claims.

it’s a sticky situation i think.

by then, you cannot return it - there’s no money-back gurantee and no one can provide you another alternative.

what do you do? trash it? exchange it? accept it?

lost and found

sense of self. it’s as important as oxygen to a human.

without that sense, or self-sense i’ll call it, it’s no use living. empty shells, like a hollowed out egg, and no different from a blank canvas. it’s one key aspect of life.

i’d die if i didn’t have this self-awareness. i am utterly concious of who i am, what i want, where i am, what i’m going to do and i don’t think that’s possible if i had no self-sense.

a simple conversation with a friend on that subject dragged into a discourse about what happens when we lose ourselves. i think it’s also terrible when people around us lose their sense of self. it’s sad really.

how do we find ourselves then? it takes lots more than just mere words. what you need is perseverence and the courage to admit that you’re lost. it is okay if you’re lost. the important decision lies with you, whether you want to make that effort to find yourself again. it might be easier for some but at the end of the day, it’ll make you a better person.

most importantly, we have to keep track of who we are not by how others see us. that’s really a dumb way to gauge yourself. it’s a stupid move. never ever make that move. Like what Simon Travaglia said “Don’t borrow someone else’s spectacles to view yourself with”. Use your own pair of eyes.

how about myself you wonder? have i found myself? thankfully, i think i have. i know that i’m at this stage where i have clarity and vision. the rest is up to God and my tenacious attitude towards life.

somehow i feel that though most of my blog posts sound so optimistic, one thing is true – i am honest and whatever i say comes from the purest of intentions.

don’t laugh but ultimately, i wanna be like how Jesus was – pure and holy. i might not be perfection personified but i can be the best i want to be. i want people to look at me and think that i am a good example of a Catholic woman. i am not afraid to be strong in times of struggle.

trust me, 5 years down the road, i will read this and smile warmly, hopefully, already having achieved most of my dreams

baking my holidays away

i feel as if i’ve baked my holidays away. Burnt them in the oven and overmixed them in the KitchenAid.

Haha. Hmmm.. well i’ve only been busy baking for two weeks so i don’t think i’ve actually wasted my holidays.

in fact, if you ask me, i’d say that this holiday has been really fruitful. i’ve never had that fruitful a holiday before.

school resumes in august, which is real soon! but before that…. my birthday comes first.

acks in just 5 days, i’ll turn 23! oh my…. it’s not really that old but gosh, it was only yesterday that i turned 21. seriously!

i do have lots to blog about but right now, i can’t really think of anything.

just listening to some new music that i’m currently crazy about. like Lily Allen. i think she’s just awesome! oh and i bought Maroon 5’s new album which i dig, totally!

went IKEA shopping yesterday and spent quite a bit. mostly on stuff for Eden and for home. i’ve a new chest of drawers! am so loving that nice woody smell. hehe…

okie, i’m not really in a bloggin’ mood right now so ta!

of dreams and its reality

has the weirdest dream two days ago.

still cannot fanthom its contents. alot of it was quite surprising. the funny part is, there was one thing that happened (in the dream) that caught me offguard. why? well, it was something i would never do in real life. or should i say, the question that was asked in that dream would never get a yes answer in reality. that did shock me quite a bit. i guess when i was in the dream, i kinda knew it wasn’t real. i wasn’t me. the characters in it were a mish-mash of people i knew personally and people i didn’t know. like i said, it was a highly amusing and fascinating dream.

but i thought dreams reflected reality in a way? although yes it tells you what your subconscious mind thinks. hmmm… oh well, it wasn’t an important dream anyway. i gained nothing out of it. but i do remember all of it. that in itself is a tad weird. in my terms.